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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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There’s a park, Parque dos Segredos, small and almost hidden behind a wall of ivy. It’s not much but, oh man, it’s where I’d escape after coding disasters. I’d sit under a busted light, thinkin’ ‘bout the absurdity of love and algorithms. It’s a downright weird spot, yet it taught me that beauty’s hidden in the ugly bits.

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